Improve your sex life
A series of short and very much 'to the point' articles and guides to increase your knowledge and sexual skills...
Most people's sex lives can be greatly enhanced, either by understanding how 'the opposite sex' really works or by the simple expedient of properly understanding how their own body functions. On this page you can find links to various articles and guides to either download and print or simply read on line. To download a file, right click on the link and select "Save Target As..." so that you can download it to your computer
All the articles and guides published on this site are the intellectual property of Terence Watts and unauthorised reproduction is strictly prohibited.
- A very strange thing: There's something very strange indeed about the whole process of sexual activity...
- Sexual Differences: It might seem obvious that there are big differences in the sexual function of males and females... but gaining a full understanding can help your sex life enormously
- Female Ejaculation: Does it really happen and how you do it - or get your partner to do it?
- Anorgasmia One of the most common sexual difficulties for women - but it can can often be helped
- Interourse Anorgasmia In this situation, a female can achieve orgasm via masturbation but not through intercourse.
- Solo Sex: It can be more fantastic than you might think - find out how with our guides
- Masturbation Complex: Far more common than you might think, this guilt complex can cause all sorts of difficulties
- Premature Ejaculation: One of the most difficult sexual problems for the male can almost always be helped
- Performance Anxiety: What actually is it and can it be fixed? (Women should read this too!)
- Erectile Failure: Erectile failure affects many men at some point in their life and can be caused by either physical or psychological problems
- When Females Lose Interest: What happens to the sex drive and why? (Men should read this too!)
- The Biggest 'Come': Who gets the most mind-blowing sexual experience?
- Giving Oral to a female: Properly called 'Cunnilingus' this is almost an essential skill
- Giving Oral to a male The correct name for this is 'Felatio' and he will love you more the better you get at it.
- Sexual Communication: Learning how to discuss your wants and needs with your partner can produce great rewards for both of you
- Rebuilding Relationships: If you want to get a relationship 'back on track' observe these simple rules
Sex is a Very Strange Thing Indeed
The whole process of sexual reproduction is odd - not just because of the sheer power of its instinctive drive but also because it is something of a puzzle as to why it exists at all. Many animal species are what is sometimes referred to as 'intersex' - that is, they are both sexes at the same time - and there are around 4000 species which are all female and reproduce without any form of sexual activity. Some species change sex apparently voluntarily, not just once but several times, and if you add to this the fact that homosexual behaviour occurs in more than 450 different species, you can begin to appreciate that our 'style' of sexual coupling is actually far from 'normal'. Not only that, life on earth existed for three billion years before the advent of sexual reproduction, some three hundred million years ago, so it is hard to explain why and how sexuality came into being.
Given the manner in which a new human animal arrives in the world, and the fact that males have nipples and a modified clitoris, it is likely that humankind have evolved from an all female species. Many people believe that the clitoris is an 'atrophied penis' but this is probably an idea originally mooted by a male; it is known to be a similar organ in many ways and even functions in a similar erectile manner. The fact is, though, that the male has no organs which could ever have produced offspring and therefore it is far more likely that the clitoris developed into the penis.
Of course, that idea depends heavily upon the notion that a clitoris ever existed in those early pre-human ancestors; it is entirely possible, though, that neither penis nor clitoris existed in those early creatures and both have evolved separately. Some strength is given to this argument if you consider the fact that since the clitoris appears to exist solely to contribute to sexual pleasure it would not have been needed when reproduction was asexual.
We are not unique in the enjoyment of sexual activity - there are many animals that appear to copulate purely for pleasure and many that masturbate. What sets the human animal apart, however, is a highly developed emotional centre; three of those emotions, equal second in power only to fear, give rise to most human neuroses and especially so within the areas of relationships and sexuality. Those three 'villains' are Shame, Guilt and Embarrassment and they are more often the cause of human sexual difficulties than anything else.
If you experience any feelings of discomfort when addressing sexual situations - awkwardness, say, or anxiety of any sort - then it's odds-on that you are responding to one or more of those three responses. The following might help:
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- Every healthy human being who ever lived thought about sex and had strong sexual desires
- Sex is the second most powerful instinct known to man and responsible for our very existence. It is supposed to get itself into your mind in the way that it does!
- If sex was 'supposed' to be restrained/controlled, most of us wouldn't be here!
- If you want to do something, you can guarantee that millions of others do, too.
- Sex is part of everybody's life. Even if they choose to be celibate, they are still reacting to sexuality
- Everybody thinks 'filthy' thoughts, even those who claim they don't - otherwise how would they know what they are?
- You don't choose your feelings, only what you do with them.
- Whatever you find yourself thinking and desiring is a natural response for you and it is completely irrelevant what others think or say they think or don't think
- When others suggest that they are especially 'clean living' and responsible, remember that they keep their secrets as well-hidden as you do yours!
- Those people who say: "There are more important things in life than sex," would not be here to say that if they hadn't been born... as a result of sex.
One of the difficulties of maleness is that the sex drive, in normal health, is permanently on and can only be turned off with difficulty. They have no choice in the matter. Women, on the other hand, have a sex drive which is permanently on standby but can be turned on relatively easily if the circumstances are just right (though they actually have somewhat more choice in the process than the male has in his). The possibilities for misunderstanding here should be obvious and it is important to recognise that neither male nor female has any choice in this basic method of functioning. Click here to read the full article.
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Female Ejaculation - does it really happen?
Many, maybe most, people do not believe the female ejaculation actually happens and those that do frequently misunderstand it. Not all women are physically able to ejaculate and not all those who are physically able to will do so; ejaculation is not an essential or semi-involuntary aspect of sexual activity, as it tends to be with the male. Many females approach ejaculation both in intercourse and via masturbation but mistake the sensations as an urge to urinate and so 'hold on' to it... Click on the link to read the rest of this article: Female Ejaculation (Includes 'how to' guide)
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Solo sex can be great!
Almost all males masturbate, as do the majority of females - although females are more likely to claim that they do not do so. In the late 1950's, the research carried out by Drs. Masters and Johnson indicated that 60% of females masturbate, though more recent surveys (conducted in 1993 by the owner of this site) suggest that it is likely that the true figure is closer to 85%. The problem with such surveys is that they are generally clinically cold and not encouraging for an individual to 'admit' to something that they believe is wrong, even when they are assured of anonymity.
Those who say they do not masturbate fall into one of three groups:
- They do masturbate but find the need to keep it a secret
- Feel the urge but ignore or deny it for any one of several reasons
- Have little or no libidic drive
The fact is that masturbation is a harmless way to relieve sexual tension; it has been suggested that it even allows the immune system to function more effectively, since it tends to lower stress levels and blood pressure. If you fall into group (3) above, then there is no reason for you to consider the act of masturbation. If not, though, you might well find one of these two guides useful:
Female Masturbation Guide
Male Masturbation Guide
Most people believe that they already know all the 'tricks' of masturbation; but then again, most people are surprised when they read an expert guide...
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It's an interesting thing that the male who never suffers from anxiety about his sexual performance is generally a selfish individual who care little about 'his' female's wants and needs. The male who does suffer this problem is more inclined to be a caring personality and will be far more concerned that his partner is enjoying all that they share.
It is therefore something of an injustice that the more selfish one generally gets the most enjoyment out of sex!
A difficulty that besets the modern male in relationships is the variety of female responses with which his insistent sexuality is greeted. Every male quickly learns that these are more likely to be negative than positive; he also learns that the longer his relationship is established, the less likely it is that he will meet with an enthusiastic response to his overtures. Every male also discovers very early on in his sexual life that females seem to want to do it less often than he does, most of the time, and seem to have little understanding of the intensity and insistence of his feelings.
It's not an unsolveable situation but it is one that needs some understanding of female thought processes and a positive approach... This link: Performance Anxiety will tell you more...
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When Females Lose Interest
Within a stable or steady relationship, the female all too frequently discovers that her sex drive starts to wane after a relatively short while. A cynic might say that this is because she has finally snared her male; in reality, the truth is more likely to be that her male simply makes less effort to create arousal and enjoyment for her. This is not necessarily selfishness - although it doubtless is the case much of the time - for it is rare indeed for a male to be taught exactly how important this is.
But there is another, somewhat more insidious difficulty, in that most females are brought up with the notion that male sexuality is an unpleasant thing and something that should be avoided, much of the time... click on the link to discover the truth about Why females lose interest
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The Biggest 'Come'
It's an interesting thing that although males pursue sex more avidly than do most females, when a female is fully and properly sexually aroused her heights of pleasure can be considerably greater than anything experienced by the male at any time.
It is well-established that the clitoris contains exactly the same number of pleasure sensory nerve endings as the glans of the penis but concentrated into a much smaller area, and this probably contributes greatly to intensity of climax. Some researchers (Masters and Johnson included) believe that they have established that the female brain shows approximately seven times the amount of activity in the pleasure response areas during sexual climax than does that of the male. Certainly, many females will report that when everything is 'just right' - and this has to include psychology as well as physiology - an orgasm can be a head-to-toe, fingertip-to-fingertip, toe-curling experience... but that this is more likely during masturbation than sexual intercourse.
During sexual activity with a partner, difficulty can arise out of the fact that she might not be 'in the mood' to start to become aroused, whereas males are almost permanently willing and able. The male has little choice in the matter; a stimulus appears and he reacts. The female will frequently choose whether to react or not and she needs to be encouraged into the right frame of mind to make the choice for arousal. In general, the newer the stimulus and the less prior personal involvement there has been, the more likely she is to choose to react - or the less ability or wish she has to resist.
Some very thorough research in 2003 - Female sexual arousal: a behavioral analysis at the Stanford University School of Medicine, Stanford, California - showed that if a female watches a pornographic film of the right type, she can be aroused within two minutes, though that arousal tends to recede very quickly. The film clips were carefully chosen and included intercourse; interestingly, there was little increase in arousal when sound was played over when it was not.
This speculation is born out by an interesting 'pair' of facts. If something - maybe even just a telephone ringing - interrupts a near-perfect act of sexual intercourse in the last thirty-seconds or so before climax:
- The male will often either finish quickly or maybe lose his erection
- The female may not even notice and will be urging him to continue what he is doing
This anomaly may have its roots in the necessary behaviour of our ancestors; it was the male who would kill a predator and this had to take precedence over insemination. The female, though, did not have to make any response to the perceived threat. This is only a hypothesis, though, and it does not answer the question of why the female is capable of such high-intensity climax in the first place.
What is certain is that for a female to achieve the heights of pleasure of which she is capable, the male needs to become a skilled and patient lover. The rewards for both of them will certainly be worthwhile.
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Giving Oral to a female
Providing a good oral sex experience for a female can make her feel fantastic. Giving excellent oral sex to a female can have her almost swooning with pleasure and believing that you are already the love-god most men would like to be! It's not unusual for a woman to prefer this to intercourse and it is certainly the case that she might well have a more powerfully intense orgasm if you learn to do your job properly... find out more by reading the complete article: Giving Oral to a female
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Giving Oral to a male
Because the male is so easily aroused, there is a bit of skill needed in giving him good oral sex - too much of the wrong sort of stimulation until he's built up a good head of steam that he can just about control will spoil the whole thing. Get it right though, and he will be practically exploding with pleasure and will be so eager for more of the same in the future that he'll do anything for you... Find out more here: Giving Oral to a male
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(You can download this list of Sexual Communication 'rules')
When a couple's sex life is not as they would like it to be, it is seldom the entire fault of one or the other - though it can often feel like that. If an individual is unhappy with their sex life, an important question to ask themselves is: "What is my partner's sex life like?" Where this question cannot be answered, that is frequently an indicator of the nature of the problem and illustrates the need to be able to communicate clearly. If this sounds like your problem, the following 'rules' might help you:
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- Ask if your partner is willing to discuss a sexual matter with you. If they say "No," you can go no further and you must find a different way to work.
- Ask if they will allow you to finish what you want to say.
- Be specific. Using euphemisms and metaphors often does not allow a proper understanding or resolution. Use the proper words for parts of your or your partner's body, where possible.
- Be sure to say clearly all that you need to say and remember that keeping it brief usually aids clarity.
- Don't be shy or coy. This can often make matters worse. Act confident.
- Discuss your partner's responses calmly, even if they are manifesting anger or ridicule. Ask, without anger: "Why do you want to [hurt/ridicule] me?" if that is the response you get.
- Remember that animosity of any sort only tells you how your partner feels. Listen and calmly discuss but don't necessarily believe that what they are saying is justified.
- Don't expect miracles - and if you are male, don't expect sex immediately!
Rebuilding a Relationship
(You can download this list of rules for Rebuilding Relationships)
It is seldom too late to start building, or rebuilding, closeness and affection in a relationship, as long as both halves of the couple are prepared to work at it. The following 'rules' can provide a solid foundation on which to build:
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- Get used to sharing the small things of life again - even just comments about what's on the news or the weather.
- Get used to holding hands, and touching each non-sexually
- Make eye-contact often. Smile at each other - often.
- Go out on regular 'dates' - a meal, a walk, cinema... anything.
- Talk to each other about each other and about both your efforts to rebuild the relationship.
- Talk to each other about your wishes, hopes, fears and needs.
- When it feels right to both of you, allow sex to happen.
- However it is the first time you do it just accept that you have worked at it and it will keep on getting better.