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This is one of the most hotly debated sexual issues - there are many arguments about whether it is real or fake, whether it is some form of stress incontinence or whether it is, in fact, some strange modern phenomenon. Doctors will often maintain that it is quite impossible for a woman to ejaculate, since she simply does not have the equipment to do such a thing; yet other doctors, especially those involved with women's health, along with sexual educators, scientists, and tens of thousands of women say that it is most definitely real.
Some women are anxious that they might have urinated during intercourse and especially when they have experienced a more powerful than usual orgasm; others spend ages trying to make it happen. The most important thing, as in all matters to do with sexuality and your body, is to not get involved with anything that makes you feel in any way uncomfortable, threatened, or inadequate. If you think you might be ejaculating and it feels good, that's ok - but it's also ok if you know you don't and aren't even sure you would want to. If you want to try to achieve it, then the notes here will help you - but don't worry if it simply does not happen, because not all women can do it. One of the reasons for this is the presence or otherwise of the paraurethral glands, often called 'Skenes glands' that are sometimes considered to roughly correspond to the male prostate gland. It appears that not all women have them and without them, there can be no ejaculation.
There are around 30 or so of these glands and they produce a fluid similar to the male's prostate fluid - it is usually odourless (though sometimes smells slightly sweet) and can taste bitter, sour, salty, sweet or a combination of any or all of these. It is usually clear, though can be milky, like male ejaculate, and can sometimes be produced in sufficient quantity via stimulation of the 'G-spot' that it is forced out of the body by the orgasmic vaginal contractions, usually with a spluttering effect, sometimes in a short burst or stream which may pulse like a male ejaculation.
This diagram shows the approximate location of the 'G-spot':
Here are some useful - and important - tips if you want to try it:
- The feeling just before ejaculation is reported to be similar to the feeling you need to urinate - so you need to be certain that your bladder is empty. Go to the loo first!
- Some 'experts' say that one of the main reasons women cannot ejaculate is that they start to hold back when the urge starts, maybe because of anxiety that they might 'wee'. If you practice while sitting on the toilet or in the bath, a lot of that anxiety can be removed. And even if you do wee a bit - so what? The chances are that it will be a spectacular orgasm.
- Most women who can ejaculate say that they do so after stimulating the 'G-spot' directly, either with their fingers or with a dildo. If you use a dildo, then one with a curve, designed for that very purpose, is perfect.
- Be sure to stimulate the clitoris as well as the urethra; massage inside the top of your vagina around the opening and a few inches inside - you'll soon find the right place.
- Remember, some women adore G-spot stimulation, others don't like it (finding it too sensitive) and yet others get little, if any, sensation at all from it.
- You might find a feeling of being hugely 'turned on' coupled with a feeling that you might be about to 'wee' - this is what many describe as being the feeling just before ejaculation. Just 'let go'.
- Even if you do not ejaculate, be sure to achieve a good orgasm every time you try - that reward in itself can be enough to help you find it next time.
© Copyright Terence Watts 2006